Well, here I am again, back to blogging. I started out with all this drive to write my thoughts, then realized that I should never, never write journal entries late at night, because I am very bad at getting the words out in the right way, and people misinterpret my intentions. So, it's morning, I'm wide awake, and I have lots on my mind to share, with whoever feels like reading. And, please, if I ever say something and you're like, "What the heck, Melyssa?!?!" Just ask me in person about it, and if you don't live close enough to do that, send me a message! Thanks. :)
OK, so where to start? So much has been going on in our lives over the past few months. Of course, expecting our first child is the big news of the year for us! It's pretty crazy, having life growing inside of me. As I type, I feel a little kick here or there, and yet it still doesn't dawn on me that in 5 months, we will be full blown parents, with all the joy, exhaustion, and excitement that comes with it! A year ago I NEVER would have thought we'd be getting ready for a baby! I wasn't even sure if I ever wanted to be pregnant. But now that I am, I honestly wouldn't trade this experience for anything. I know I've had it kind of easy, I wasn't too sick and so far I've barely had any symptoms besides the whole growing belly thing (yay)....but still, overall, it's something that words can't describe. I'm glad God changed my mind about this. :) When we started talking seriously about having children, we had a really meaningful conversation about how we really and truly want to dedicate this child to God. And I don't mean just go through the motions of having a little ceremony at church where the congregation recites a couple sentences and the pastor asks a bunch of questions and we answer "We do." Not that any of that is silly, it's kinda cool. But, I'm talking much deeper, and much more long term than that. This baby, though being supported by my body, is not MINE. Or Derrick's. Or anyone's. This child is God's. God gives and takes away, and we fully rely on that fact every single day. Not that we're always happy about it, because it can be scary sometimes, but on the other hand, I'm so glad a sovereign, perfect, loving, merciful, gracious God is in control of my life, and our child's life. So at this moment, though we are years away from sending a grown child off into the world, she is God's. (Yes, we are pretty sure it's a "she", but that's a long story that you can ask me about some other time!) This affects the way we think about parenting right now, even during the baby stage. First of all, she's not our obsession. Yes, family is important, and yes God expects us to take this responsibility seriously. But there's a fine line between fulfilling my role as a parent, and making my life ALL about my child. I don't want to do that. I want her to grow up knowing that mom and dad love her SO much, but that we could never come anywhere close to loving her as much as God does, and that His love is what she really needs. It's all anyone needs. I love our baby already, but in the long run I know that my heart must stay focused on my Creator, who is the only One truly worthy of my worship. It's so easy to worship a child...I've seen it many times...and it's so sad. It's sad for the parent to be making their entire life revolve around their child, and it's sad for the child who has to live with that kind of pressure. Family is not everything! It's the temporary unit that God set up for us so that we can experience His love and grace through other people. But, it's just that...temporary. If we spend our whole lives and sacrifice our entire selves to be devoted to people, even those we love most, we will end up empty and disappointed. Family is an added bonus, but it is not what life is about.
OK, I think I've said enough about that. The reason I've been challenged with all of this is because I fall short so many times. I have often made people and other things in life way more important than God. I still do! He keeps reminding me again and again that He is all I need, and that I should be longing for Him, and to know Him better...more than I should desire anything else this world can offer. Even the BEST things life can offer are nothing compared to Him! Ugh, why do I miss this so often? Hasn't He shown me His greatness over and over? Isn't His incredible mercy and grace enough to drown out the noise of any other distraction that could possibly pull me away from Him? The answer is a resounding YES, of course He is enough! Then why, oh why do I keep missing the point of life? Why do I keep falling short over and over again? I just keep coming back to the fact that it's because of my sinfulness. I am totally and completely nothing without Him. And when I let myself forget that, it's easy to fall into those patterns of thinking that so many other things are important. Life is a wonderful gift, but there is an end to it. And it is very short in comparison to eternity. What do I want to be spending my energy on? This life, or the eternity with Jesus that will be here before I know it and will stretch out past the constraints of time, greater and longer and deeper and more wonderful than anything we could ever possibly know here on earth?
I read the first post I wrote on here, and already my thinking has shifted since then. I typed out these verses about how I am Accepted in Christ, and said I was going to say them to myself every day for 30 days. Now, don't get me wrong, those verses are all true and I am definitely accepted by Him. No doubt about that. But, what is the focus of all that? Me, me, me. I am this, I am that, the truths of God's Word are all about me. Ummm, what? No way! God's amazing Word will always be about One Person...HIM. He is the one who deserves all the glory, and thanks, and praise, and wonder, and amazement! HE is the One who created us, who gave us life, and who can take it away in an instant. HE is the One who wants us to spend eternity with Him. Why in the world would we make it about us? Well, because, we are in fact humans. And we humans tend to have a much higher view of ourselves than we should. When we really focus on humility, and remember who God is, the truth becomes very clear. He is everything, we are nothing.
This is getting too long, so I'm done....Happy Saturday everyone! :)