Friday, September 6, 2013

Why am I so weird?

Dear Fellow Believer (this applies to everyone who is a believer, not one in particular), my heart aches for you. I have known many people who use this title for themselves, and yet so many think we are completely extreme in the way we live. This should not be so. Nothing we are doing is that crazy....it is just reading the Bible at face value and being open to let it change our hearts, rather than reading our own agenda into it based on what we've always "known" to be true. Shouldn't we all want that? Shouldn't we all want to approach His Word with fear and trembling and the desire to be changed by the Holy Spirit? Shouldn't we WANT to grow and be different....to look in that mirror that James talks about and see what needs to be fixed? I know I am rambling and most of you think I'm just nuts and hormonal from being pregnant. I assure you that I am not....ok I am pregnant but it's beside the point. Hormones have nothing to do with it. In becoming a parent I have realized how short life is and the great responsibility I have to teach my children. Which brought me face to face with my own SELF and I did not like what i saw in that mirror. I am not perfect, I will never be. I just desperately want to conform more and more to His image. I can't explain it any other way. I did not have that hunger until about 3 years ago, and it grows deeper all the time. So yes, sometimes I go off on these tangents about convictions I have. Because they are BRAND NEW convictions. Like, first time in 30 years, smack you in the face, life altering stuff. And I guess I don't understand why you, fellow believer, wouldn't also be excited about these things. Because it's the Bible we're talking about! It's not like I made this up. It's clear as day, right there in those wonderful pages. Truth. Simple truth. Not tradition or moralism or legalism or liberalism or whatever you want to call it. Just God's Word to us. And I want to obey it. I want to cling to it. I want to be completely transformed by every single letter of every word. Do you have that desire too, my dear fellow believer? Does it overtake you, and overwhelm you, and almost frighten you that you didn't get it before? This happens to me daily. And I don't think I am better than you. Please, please don't think that! I am just completely transformed by the Holy Spirit. It's the only explanation. I am living proof that He exists, because this is all Him talking through me. Well, I pray that I'm not getting in the way, that is. Over the past few years, Derrick and I have chosen to give up so many things that we used to enjoy, maybe even idolize. Why? Because of legalism? Because we are self-righteous? Because we just really enjoy being weird? No way....it's because of His influence. And reading God's Word. We don't do holidays anymore (well, I guess except Thanksgiving, but even that one is questionable to me sometimes), and we have just cut out many other things that the Bible teaches against, but most Christians are completely fine with...in fact, many even think some of the things we stopped doing are "Christian" things. Again, no judgment or trying to be better than anyone else. But have you asked yourself WHY we do this? I'll tell you why....it's because God spoke and we couldn't ignore it. It was this aching in our hearts to follow His Word the way He wants, not just following what we like and brushing off the rest as "not that big of a deal". It is a big deal. All of it. It isn't just a "matter of interpretation" or , "well you're entitled to your opinion". This is God's Word, TO US, and we try to change it to fit what we'd like it to be. It is a lot more black and white than we realize....but we are usually not receptive and open enough to notice. And I guess what is scary and sad to me is that most Christians think we are weird. Not unbelievers, I expect them to think we're loony. But brothers and sisters in Christ think we are downright nuts! I don't get that. It is heartbreaking, really. I wish it wasn't such a lonely road, sometimes. But I am thankful. Because God is using this to teach me SO MUCH that I would have never learned otherwise. OK I'm done. I don't care if you judge me, say bad things about me, or write me off as a lunatic. Just please, allow your heart to be opened by the Holy Spirit, and approach His Word without any preconceived ideas, and you will just be amazed at the transformation. I know I am.

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